A Goon Review: TIFF 2011

by marcosandres

I recently moved to Toronto and was quite excited about the prospect of getting drunk at as many cultural events as possible. Fortunately for me, it happens that last week one of the biggest film festivals in world was taking place right here in my own city.

Some people were really excited for the chance to catch a glimpse of Brangelina or Ryan Gosling, but they’re totally lame dorks*. Though to be fair, I was pretty eager to see the latest film by esteemed Canadian director Michael Dowse (of FUBAR-fame!), so I’m not sure what that says about me. But whatever, when I heard that his latest feature was titled Goon I nearly did one of those shit/cum combos that’s so ecstatic for a second but quickly reveals itself to be rather unpleasant**.

Naturally, I didn’t buy tickets on time and the show sold out and I was left admonishing myself over the fact that I was too goon to go see Goon. Rush tickets were the only option, so I shotgunned a few beer and headed downtown for the afternoon screening***.

I ended up getting handed a few tickets while smoking darts in the rush line by some nice ladies and so I got to attend the “World Premier” – though I question how interested folks from anywhere other than Canada and perhaps, like, Minnesota are gonna be in a film that is predominantly about hockey fighting.

Michael Dowse and Jay Baruchel (the co-writer and supporting actor) were on hand to introduce their film. According to Dowse, “This film is about a goon.” I was on the edge of my seat.

What followed was the story of a Bostonian Jew Goon, (played by Sean William Scott, aka Stifler from American Pie) who was remarkably sweet though perhaps a bit retarded, working his way up the ranks to play semi-pro hockey for a fictional team in Halifax. He can’t skate, can’t talk to girls and can’t hold his own with the rest of the team when it comes time to party. But, he has a rock for a fist and an unwarranted loyalty to the team that he just joined.

And so he beats people up, on the ice, in True Goon fashion.

There are some funny parts – though my buddy and I were the only two in a theatre of one-thousand who laughed at the part about doing a line of coke along your stripper cousin’s Caesarian-section scar – no one, it seems, likes incest jokes these days.

And there is the inevitable romance of movies everywhere. The female lead (and really, the only female in the film at all) is played by Alison Pill (Scott Pilgrim vs. The World) and she does a pretty good job at being a totally sweet-hearted but alcoholic skank who is finally won over by the Goon.

Granted, a few parts of the movie rubbed me the wrong way, especially the final hockey fight scene. But otherwise, Dowse done good. It’s certainly no FUBAR, but then, how could anything rival that jewel of the Canadian silver screen?

* Ok, I admit it. I lied. I wanted to see Ryan Gosling. He’s just so handsome.

** Ok. I lied. I admit it. It was actually a fart/boner combo. Not as exciting, but not messy in the least.

*** One more confession: I was way to hungover to shotgun beers before the screening. It was early afternoon on a Saturday. I have never not been hungover at that time.